Memo: Narrative Wars

I just sent a draft of a paper to my advisor/co-author.  I feel as though the weight of the world has been lifted from my shoulders, if only for a brief time.  I’ve been struggling with this for months – at first only in the back of my mind while I finished other things.  That was the spring – finished my courses, finished my portfolio, finished teaching, and then I defended my portfolio.  Once that was complete, I couldn’t put it off any longer – I had nothing else to do except get this piece done (and a book review which is a whole other story).  That was early June and when Linda and I met a few weeks later, she was quite direct, “Quit reading – you’ve read enough.  Start writing.” 

Naturally, I bought another book (Narrative Inquiry:  Experience and Story in Qualitative Research by D. Jean Clandinin and F. Michael Connelly, 2000).

I was glad I did, because reading the book helped me think through my next steps – going back to the oral histories and digging into them; something I hadn’t really done up to that point.  I followed Clandinin and Connelly’s advice to narratively code (p. 131) the oral histories.  Because I knew from Chase (2005, in this weblog) that identity research is most interested in what and how stories are told, I focused on the stories within the narratives (or oral histories).  This was a great start.  Finally, I thought, I can begin writing.  So, I sat down to write and to my dismay, found that I simply didn’t know what to say.  I had numerous false starts – even down to the last ditch effort of what I refer to as “blow-by-blow’” where I describe things chronologically, hoping that at some point I’ll spin off into something that might be worth developing.  No spin-off.  I couldn’t write and I didn’t know what else to do.  I was getting at that point in the process where I can’t breathe and I think my head will blow-up with all these ideas that are stuck in there because I can’t seem to get anything sensible down on paper. 

So, naturally, I bought another book.  This time it was Revision:  Autoethnographic Reflections on Life and Work by Carolyn Ellis (2009).

Again, I was glad I did.  I sat down and began reading and was immediately drawn in to Ellis’ work; aware of her strong voice, intensity, and determination.  This, I thought, is the way I want to write.  This is why I can’t write – I’m trying to write a different way and all I need to do is tell a story.  That’s all – just a story.  I started writing Saturday morning and stopped before mass, satisfied with my progress that day.  On Sunday, I went back to the work and it started getting more complex – but still, I was satisfied with my progress.  It wasn’t until I went to bed on Sunday evening that I saw what the piece was really about.  It was about resistance stories – but about the resistance of my students and what I might learn about that in relation to identity development.  This morning, I re-organized and drafted the final section and sent the draft off to Linda.  What a relief!